tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC March 13, 2010 10:00pm-11:00pm EST
(breathing deeply) (snoring) kevin, wake up. (speaking indistinctly) it's jimmy. it's jimmy. i have some bad news. no. no. no. you didn't get nominated for "paul blart: mall cop." (sobbing) no. it's o--it's okay. (crying) jimmy, this was gonna be my shot. i know. i know. (sobbing) there's never gonna be another "paul blart: mall cop." i thought there was gonna be a "paul blart: mall cop 2." you know what i mean! (whispering) you know what i mean. i'm sorry. you were really good in that. you know how the academy is with comedies. (sobbing)
john travolta didn't get nominated for "old dogs." i don't care! i don't care! (laughter) yeah, you're gonna be all right. go back to sleep, okay? (groans) i'm gonna go back in the cabinet now. (smooches) (laughter) (normal voice) hey, jimmy. yeah? thanks. you're welcome, buddy. (whining) this was so unexpected. (laughter) (cheers and applause) (man) from hollywood, it's the fifth annua "jimmy kimmel live: after the academy awards," brought to you by subway, where winners eat. tonight... oh, it's good to be back. academy award winner... music from... the first-ever meeting of the... gentlemen, i am handsome.
show of not. not. (men) not. with... and now lights, camera, action. here's jimmy kimmel! (cheering) ♪ okay. very kind. i'm jimmy kimmel. thank you for staying up for... (cheers and applause) hour 48 of oscar coverage. (cheers and applause) all right, we get it. let me ask who-- who's ready to get "avatar"-ted in here tonight? (laughter) well, thank you. i'd like to thank the academy-- um, "police academy,"
specifically, "police academy 3." (laughter) the 82nd annual academy awards have come to a close. the stars have been loaded into their limousines. they're on their way to parties, after-parties and, ultimately, "celebrity rehab with dr. drew." (laughter) the oscar is the most coveted award in entertainment. there's no question about it. they can say whatever they want, but the oscar, not only is it a beautiful ophy and a physical representation of the fact that an actor or a filmmaker has risen to the pinnacle of his or her profession-- if you screw off the bottom, there's a toothbrush in there. (laughter) people really want one. more than a million people tuned in to watch the academy awards tonight-- um, maybe even more. who knows? you know, i think americans can relate more to actors this year because, well, this year, most americans, like most actors, e unemployed, and... (laughter) you know who really hated the oscars this year? the, uh, kids from "slumdog millionaire." (laughter) it was the last time they ate. (audience) oh!
too soon? is it too soon? i want to congratulate kathryn bigelow for becoming the first... (cheers and applause) woman... first female woman ever to win "best director" and also the first woman ever to beat her ex-husband in front of a billion people on television. (cheering) she directed, um, she directed "the hurt locker." "the hurt locker"-- "theis a shoe store where they're all dressed like referees, right? (laughter) "the hurt locker" was a small but powerful movie about an army bomb squad in iraq. uh, people are calling it the mostealistic movie ever made about the iraq war. it's so realistic, president bush actually lied to get into it. he-- (laughter) he went to the theater. he told the girl at the box office... (applause) he was 65 or something. most people know kathryn bigelow used to be married to jim cameron, who directed "avatar," which, under california law, means even if he had won the oscar, she'd still get it, so... (laughter) a married couple won for "best film editing" tonight.
and here's a bit of oscar trivia for you-- there have been three married couples who won for "best original screenplay"-- um, m-muriel and sydney box for "the seventh veil," earl and pamela wallace for "witness" and ben affleck and matt damon for "good will hunting." (laughter) so that's true. (applause) there were, um... who won the "best actress"? it was sandra llock. and, uh, jeff bridges won "best actor." no surprises in the "best supporting actor" categories, either-- christoph waltz, who will be on our show later tonight, n for "inglorious basterds." and mo'nique won for "precious," which was expected. but before the oscars, barbara walters sat down for an interview with mo'nique. it was interesting. it turns out the real reason-- the reason mo'nique has an apostrophe in the middle of her name-- it's short for "mo-nique." (laughter) right. barbara said tonight's show was her last academy awards special, and here is why. okay, now... you do not believe in shaving your legs. no, ma'am. why not?
if you have seen my legs, barbara-- now i'm 42, and i'm very hairy. (laughter) let me tell you-- that... (giggles)e. that is the fur that... (applause) those--that's the fur peta should be protesting on the red carpet, huh? forget the chinchillas. we got a chewbacca on our hands here. (laughter) you know what m-mo'nique could use? she could use some "mo-neet." (laughter) if her legs ever married martin scorsese's eyebrows, look out. this year, the mandate for the oscar producers was to bring in more young viewers, and to do it, they asked taylor lautner and kristen stewart of "twilight" to present. miley cyrus was there, too. what they really need to do if they want to get younger viewers is hip up that "in memoriam" montage with se people that are still alive. it's, like, all dead people. (laughter) steve martin and alec baldwin did a very nice job hosting the show. every--everything went well. the only negative all day, really,
was that it rained during the red-carpet interviews. poor ryan seacrest. (laughr) um, his feet right now are oranger than snooki's face. it's... (laughter) because he wears a lot of that crap on him. (laughter) okay, we're clear? okay, good. you know, it doesn't rain a lot here in l.a., but i guess somebody forgot to call oprah or something because it did today, which was a big bummer for the actresses in their fancy dresses, but very good news for our "unintentional joke of the day." ♪ the rain is really coming down. i've never seen it... that's a special effect. rain this hard here before. we actually asked for that fountain behind us. it's like we're getting splattered from behind. well, that's... (laughter and applause) i can't imagine what that must be like. (applause) uh, one more item. we got--we got a lot of good stuff for you tonight, but the academy awards are-- they're a great way to recognize the accomplishments of our many talented professional actors, but this year, the academy did a great thing. they also honored the nonprofessionals. you know, not every acto is in the movies.
and here tonight, the academy award for "best tor... in real life." we're here to present the award "best actor... in real life." and the nominees are... (man) was this a hoax, and will you talk to the police today? absolutely no hoax. (applause) (man) the baby of miss hunter is your baby. true? not true. not true. (applause) you know, i always thought that i was doing the right thing. (applause) elin has shown... (laughter) enormous grace... and poise throughout this ordeal. (sighs) (laughter) and... (cheers and applause) (drumroll) and the oscar goes to... john edwards.
i would welcome participating in a paternity test, be happy to participate in one. uh, i know that it's not poible that this child could be mine. accepting on behalf of john edwards is t-pain. uh, as always, i want to thank the haters. (laughter) you know, you can never forget the haters. (cheers and applause) we have a lot of things to feed you tonight. robert downey jr. is here, keith urban is with us, academy award winner christoph waltz. and we'll be right back with the most beautifulathering of men you could even imagine-- the handsome men's club. so, please, stick around. ♪ i happen to have one of the best bodies here. he's wearing spanx. (dramatic music plays) no, i'm not. oh, yeah? (fabric rips) what's this?
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a wintermint flavor that warms... and cools as you chew. 5 gum. stimulate your senses. and cools as you chew. hi. and we're back and we are live on television. this is hollywood's biggest and fattest night, and what a show for you-- we have for you with the first-ever look at his new movie trailer for "iron man 2"-- robert downey jr. is here. (cheers and applause) as--you know, we got some great questions for--from the audience for him, as well. also tonight, a-a gentleman who i think
gave the best performance of the year in any category. he played colonel hans landa in "inglourious basterds." tonight, he won the oscar for "best supporting actor"-- christoph waltz has something special for us (cheers and applause) and then later on-- this is his latest cd. it's called "defying gravity"-- keith urban from the bud light golden wheat stage. (cheers and applause) on a night like tonight, the night of the academy awards, beauty--not only is it on display-- it's analyzed, evaluated. experts are flown in to determine who wore it best. lists are made to decide who is hot and who is not hot. and that's why i, personally, am happy to be part of an organization that supports beautiful people, like myself. (laughter and applause) (all) wow, you're handsome. you're perfect. you're incredible. you are one good-looking son of a bitch. (laughter) good job, mom. amazing. holy (bleep). okay, the meeting
of the handsome men's club... (gavel bangs) will now come to order. first order of, uh, business is with patrick. how much did we raise at the car wash? uh, $75 million. really? great. that. i know. gilles, good call on making it topless. lose a shirt never hurts. (women cheering) uh, where are we on handsome for the homeless? clooney's on it. of course clooney's on it. sting, mirrors down. oh, i'm sorry, jimmy. i-i-i got lost in my own eyes. (laughter) okay, uh, new applicants-- we have the kids from wilight"-- taylor lautner and robert pat-teen-son. show of handsome. all in fav? (all) handsome. all opposed? i don't know. i don't see handsome yet. i'm gonna overrule this one. (gavel banging) not handsome. cute. wow.
what's wrong with cute? (women cheering) there's a quota... oh. and you filled it. that's the best. all right. oh. oh, yealiev schr. (women) ow! show of handsome. (man) now wait a minute. i can't see. can you pass this down? oh, sure. you know, ted, maybe if you could be here in person every once in a while instead of chatting on aim, we wouldn't have to do this. quiet, kimmel. i'm evaluating handsomeness. all right, i'm ready. thank you. all right, show of handsome. (all) handsome. handsome. all opposed? i don't know. his facial hair is kinda reddish. what? overruled. wh-why are we even votg on this crap? any old business? (clicks tongue) uh... ld business. hey, excuse me. i never got a response to my request to legally change my name. change it to what?
"handsome hawke." (mouthing words) approved. (gavel bangs) oh, good. i'm handsome hawke. okay, any new business? no new business. yeah, i'd like to make a motion. matthew has the floor. (women cheering) i move that we vote for a new president. (dramatic music plays) motion denied. (gavel bangs) (laughter) why is the motion denied? because we have the best president in the world--me. well, maybe you shouldn't be president. that's why i made the motion. or maybe you shouldn't even be in the club, jiy. pardon me? i think he's saying that we all had to get voted into this club, and you didn't. "he's just saying." you don't know what he's saying. that is not what he was saying. no, that is what i was saying. you know what? why don't we just have a vote on whether or not you're handsome? (matthew) thank you. i second that. there was a vote. america voted. maybe you've heard of a little magazine called "people's" sexiest man alive... oh, well aware of that.
in which i happen to have "peoa 3-page spread.an alive... that was clearly a joke. you're a joke. you're a joke. no, you're a joke. at least i'm funny joke. (audience) oh! see, this is why i didn't want foreigners in the club. le fromage est très bon ici. exactly. kimmel, you are not handsome. are you nuts? thank you, john. i am handsome. i happen to have one of the best bodies here. you do? yeah, i do. (chuckles) he's wearing spanx. (laughter and applause) (dramatic music playing) no, i'm not. oh, yeah? what's this? (fabric tears) (gasps) spanx. (bleep) spanx. (laughter) those are my superhero tights. uh-huh. i fight crime in them. and now you know my secret identity, and now your lives are all in danger. so good job. good luck staying alive. you're fat. you're fat.
i'm handsome. i'm a lot more handsome than a lot of you. look at romo. look at the size of his ears. (laughter) right? he can't even get his hat on front-ways ever... burn. 'cause his ears are so big. (john chuckles) ye look at keith. keith has lady hair. oh, come on. really. (laughter) i'm handsome. ask anyone. t.d., the--show 'em our thing. come here, come here. (sighs) look at this. taye's handsome, right? (women cheering) we look exactly alike. (laughter) smile, dude. smile. (cheers and applause) exactly. not exactly. exactly. all right, go back to your seat. hey, nobody in this room besides you thinks that you're handsome. (man) i think you're damn handsome. thank you, lenny kravitz. (cheers and applause) come on, lenny. see that? i think what lenny's trying to say is handsome doesn't come fm here.
handsome comes from here. yeah, i have flaws. ♪ i have flaws (laughter) maybe my eyes are too piercing. ♪ my eyes are too piercing ♪ and maybe my skin is too soft and smooth. ♪ my skin's too soft and maybe i have the breasts of a 14-year-old girl. ♪ the supple breasts of a 14-year-old girl, yeah ♪ (laughter) that doesn't mean anything. what's important is i'm handsome with inside. ♪ from the with-inside-duh and that's-- that's what matters. physical beauty fades. ♪ beauty fades look at sting. ♪ look at sting i believe that children are our future. ♪ i believe that ch-- lenny, please. i'm trying to talk here. could you give it a rest? i had your back, punk-ass bitch. i know, but enough. (laughter and applause) gentlemen, i am handsome. and i'm damn proud to be president of the handsome men's club now and forever.
with my head held handsome... (laughter) and these pizzas. don't, don't, don't, don't. you know, before i go, though, i want to leave you gentlemen with a parting thought from my favorite book "self matters" by dr. phillip mcgraw. dr. phil teaches us that when the roos-- (laughter) sorry, kimmel. we ran out of time. (cheers and applause) (laughing maniacally) (shouting) handsomes! mm. wake up. wake up. what? what's wrong? i had a nightmare. what? we were in a club together and, um, matthew mcconaughey what? was there... mm. and he was really, really mean to me. and then y-you said i wasn't handsome. (sighs) come on. you know i think you're handsome.
you're my handsome. you're my most handsome. (high-pitched voice) you're my big handsome, my big daddy handsome. ben, that's enough. it's getting weird. (dramatic music playing) (laughter) (cheers and applause) ♪ he's got the breasts ♪ of a 14-year-old girl (cheers and applause) we'll be right back with robert downey jr. ♪ (black sabbath's "iron man" playing)
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♪ ba da ba ba ba (cheering) hi there, wow, we're back. uh, christoph waltz and keith urban are on the way. our first guest tonight is a terrific actor. he's a two-time oscar nominee for the movies "chaplin" and "tropic thunder." and now he's a two-ti superhero. on may 7th, you can see him alternately beating and saving mickey rourke, gwyneth paltrow, don cheadle and scarlett johansson in "iron man 2." please welcome robert downey jr. (cheering) (black sabbath's "iron man" playing) welcome. thank you for coming.
thank you. very tony stark of you, entering like that. did you come here straight from the governor's ball? uh, we went back to the hotel and had a cheeseburger. then we came over here. nice. very nice. i like that. yeah, i like that. did you have anything on it, bacon, anything, just cheese? i asked for cheese. it didt come. but what am i gonna bitch about? (laughs) you did. my liwell, you know what? we all nohave our disappointments. yeah. y-yeah. and some of the-- some of our crosses are-- are harder to bear, i will say. thank you. but cheese is a bad one. that's a tough one. well, thank you for coming. it's great to have you here. thank you. thank you for not inviting me to be in the handsome men's club. i did invite you to be in it. i did invite you. (cheers and applause) (bleep) (laughs) you, um, you're very handsome. don't let anyone tell you any different. they don't. they don't. (laughter) you, uh, what did you present, which category? "best-- uh, "best, uh, original screenplay." if you disagree with the decision the academy made, are you--do you have to give the award out? (laughter) (laughs) (laughter)
you mean, like--you think i-i'm just calling-- i'm just calling audibles during the award ceremony? i don't know what the rules are. i'm not allowed over there. oh. i would say--no, i just-- i do--you know, i try to have some fun, and then i read the names that are on it. did you see "the hurt locker"? i very much saw it. did you like i yeah, it was gat. yeah. what--we you hope-- was there a movie that you were hoping would win and won, or... uh, "sherlock holmes," probably, yeah. for "sherlock holmes." (laughter) (cheers and applause) yeah, you were in that one, right? (laughs) of all the, um, oh, i almost forgot. i have a very important question to ask you. what's your favorite color? (laughter) (cheers and applause) the audience wanted to know. they want to know? yeah, they picked one question, and they said that's the one. (laughter) , tonight, it would be this kind of powdery teal blue, i guess. you had that, um, you had the sunglasses to match. i did. and then i made that little part of the bit with your gals. thank you for everything-- everything. very nice. yeah. oh, it was my pleasure, really.
cool. and if you ever want to be in the handsome men's club, i know some people that work there. (laughter) you--what's--of all the movies you've done, and you've done a lot of movies, which one was the most fun to make? uh, let me think. i mean, a lot of 'em are-- have been a blast. probably for pure cathartic, uh, value, after doin"iron man," i was in, uh, the jungle playing a narcissistic actor who thinks he can play an african-american called "tropic thunder." that was-- that was fantastic. (cheers and applause) i still can't believe u did that, by the way. i mean, that really was unbelievable... yeah. because you had to think, like, oh, this could go terribly, terribly wrong. yeah, sure. you don't wear blackface in america unless your face is actually black to start with. th's right. and--and, uh, all-- almost all of my black friends still talk to me. they do? yes. (laughs) any particulars that have dropped out? no, actually, everyone was--was cool with it. i'm just so damn good, that i actually didn't offend anybody. (cheers and applause) i think you might be right. the first, um, "iron man"-- the original--did so well
that marvel comics afterwards bought you a bentley--true? yeah. (laughter) that's--that's pretty great, just to start with. yeah. they surprised you with it? yeah. they didn't ask-- what did i get tonight? and harry winston gave me this lovely watch, uh, or to you, six months salary. (laughs) (audience) oh! wow. now who's harry winston... you kn, it's-- your boyfriend? (laughter) (applause) you always gotta say something kinda mean, don't you? i'm sorry. by the way, it's why i come. yeah, well, that's-- wow, you got that for free? harry winston is a premier jeweler. i--so i've heard on television. yeah. he's right up there with-- i used to walk by harry winston when i was stealing sweaters at lord & taylor. oh, is that right? (laughter) and look at me now! that's reall all . (cheers and applause) the, um, mickey rourke plays your, uh, your nemesis, whiplash, in--in it--well, not yours, but iron man's nemesis.
on man's nemesis. is it true you-- it's all right to call me iron man. that's fine. you--okay. (laughter) you actually offered him the role in the film--true? is that true? uh, well, actually, jon favreau, our, uh, illustrious director, um, was talking to mickey. and then we were doing something,ctor, some roundtable thing for maybe "newsweek"-- i forgot what i was-- we were doing something, and i said, "it'd be great if you did our movie." you're not supposed to do that. it's not appropriate to, like, be in a, you know, press setting and talk to somebody about a deal you want to make with them. it's kinda déclassé, which is, i guess, why i did it. (laughter) uh, it must have worked. yeah. did jon know you were making that offer? yeah. i wouldn't just offer the movie... okay. to somebody without talking to the director... i-i didn't know. who knows what goes on? and having mickey there not sobereally is a buffer, because you are not the most unpredictable actor on the set when mickey rourke is around. (laughter) he's, uh, he is something else it was actually really, um, it reminded me of some of the things that i-i don't think to do so much any more, like get really worked up when i'm doing something
or, you know-- like, real method-y stuff. oh, really? yeah. really? it--that works. like, what kind of stuff did he do? um... (laughs) well, like, you know, he would have jon off-camera, like, holding pictures of recently deceased pets or family members-- like, serious stuff. to make himself sad? what? yeah. what? really? okay, yeah, go tight on him laughing about that and see how that pans out... (laughter) next time he sees mickey. and, yeah--no. no, go in tight. just yuck it up, dude. when mickey comes... it's a big joke, right? i will pretend i never heard any such thing, believe me. but i just love the image of him looking at dead fluffy as he lay--rolls around on the ground. yeah. well, he--he was very close to--to loki. and, uh, but he'll just do thosthings at work. it honestly reminded me of-- i wasn't there, uh, that i recall, but, like, seeing-- i'm imagining how, like, scorsese and-- and de no worked, like, ju that real, like, old-school, 0s method stuff. well, we have the trailer. it's the first time it's ever been seen. and, uh, well, i've seen it, but--and it's--it's fantastic. oh, great. but we should show it to the audience, too.
here it is. it comes out on may 7th. my lord. robert downey jr.-- "iron man 2." (cheers and applause) (crowd chanting) tony stark! tony stark! tony srk! tony stark! (cheering) (ac/dc's "shoot to thrill" playing) oh, it's good to be back. (pepper) the notary's here. front and center. i'm sorry. he's very eccentric. i want one. no. (whiplash) if you could make god bleed, people will cease to believe in him. and there will be blood in the water... (tires squeal) and the sharks will come.
all i have to do is sit here and watch as the world will consume you. our priority is to g the iron man weapon turned over to the united states of america. i am iron man. the suit and i are one. contrary to popular belief, i know exactly what i'm doing. whoops. what i saw you do to tony stark on that track--wow. you need my resources. i want to make iron man look like an antique. this whole lone gunslinger act is unnecessary. you dot have to do this alone. (whiplash) i hope you're ready. (tony) come on! ♪
"mr. stark displays textbook narcissism"? agreed. later. (black sabbath's "iron man" playing) (cheers and applause) i know. "iron man 2"-- awesome. it opens may 7th. robert downey jr., everybody. and we're right back with christoph waltz. thank you very much. (cheering) ♪ ♪ [ male announcer ] gym membership for february: $68 paid automatically. gym membership for march: $68. oh, my. [ male announcer ] gym membership for april: $68.
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put them to your own test. hi, we're back. still to come--keith urban. abouthree hours and eight minutes ago, christoph waltz won the "best supporting actor" oscar for his role in "inglorious basterds." and a lot of people, when they saw the movie, wondered, "this guy's great. where did he come from?" he's been acting for years. tonight, i thought it would be interesting and educational to look at a-a bbc biography of academy award winner christoph waltz. (woman) good afternoon. programs for the open university begin in a couple of minutes. (man) academy award winner christoph waltz was rgely unknown to american audiences before his turn as colonel hans landa in... despite his overwhelming success with "inglorious basterds," there is a lesser-known film which christoph himself believes defines him as an actor.
it could be the role of my lifetime. everything i ever experienced in my life, everything i ever did as an actor, they pulled towards each other, and it became "der humpink." ♪ ♪ ya ya ya ya ya ♪ ya ya ya ♪ ya ya ya ♪ ya ya ya ♪ la la la la la ♪ la la la ♪ la la la la la la la la ♪ ♪ la la ya ya ya ya ya ya... ♪ of course, from the very beginning, you strive. you head towards a goal. in a way, the--the strive and the quest
became the goal. and then it happened. ♪ ya ya ya ya ya ya ya ha la ♪ ah, ha ha! ah, eine neue lampe. (laughter) der humpink. (laughter) ah, ein telefon. der humpink. (laughter) eine kleine visaiten hawaiisch gitarre. der humpink. (laughter) der humpink! you have to understand, "der humpink" is not a metaphor. well, yes, the ukulele is. the telephone, the lamp... (laughter) are self-explanatory. the humpink is humpink. wh-which part don't you understand? ♪
♪ ya ya ya ya ya ♪ ya ya ya ya ya ya ya ya ya... ♪ i am communicating. the message is important. ♪ li li li... we are all humpink. we need to hump together. ♪ ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ♪ the new age of humpink is dawning. ♪ der humpink (bleating) (laughter) thank you. (cheers and applause) ♪ thank you, christoph. we'll be right back with keith urban. (cheering) ♪ (man) the "jimmy kimmel live concert series sponsored by...
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♪ another long summer's ♪ come and gone ♪ i don't know why ♪ it always ends this way ♪ the boardwalk's quiet ♪ and the carnival rides ♪ are as empty as my broken heart ♪ ♪ tonight ♪ but i close my eyes, and one more time ♪ ♪ we're spinnin' around ♪ and you're holdin' on tightly ♪ ♪ the words came out, i kissed your mouth ♪ ♪ no 4th of july has ever burned so brightly ♪
♪ you had to go, and i understand ♪ ♪ but you promised you'd be back again ♪ ♪ so i wander around this town ♪ ♪ 'til summer comes around ♪ and i got a job ♪ workin' at the old park pier ♪ and every summer now ♪ for five long years ♪ i grease the gears, fix the lights ♪ ♪ tighten bolts, straighten the tracks ♪ ♪ and i count theays ♪ 'til you just might ♪ you just might come back ♪ and i close my eyes, and one more time ♪
♪ we're spinnin' around ♪ and you're holdin' on tightly ♪ ♪ the words came out, i kissed your mouth ♪ ♪ no 4th of july has ever burned so brightly ♪ ♪ you had to go, and i understand ♪ ♪ but you swore that you'd be back again ♪ ♪ so i'm frozen in this town ♪ ♪ 'til mmer comes around ♪ yeah ♪ oh ♪ but then i cle my eyes, and you and i ♪ ♪ are stuck on the ferris wheel ♪ ♪ rockin' with the motion ♪ knowin' that love belonged to us, girl ♪ ♪ if only for a moment ♪ "baby, i'll be back again"
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well, we are very, very out of time. i want to thank our guests-- bob, keith, christoph, everyone. thanks to the academy. we'll be back with a new show tomorrow night. it's time for you to go to sleep, though. good night. (cheerand applause) okay, the meeting of the handsome men's club-- (bleep) (laughter) matthew mcconaughey was there, and he was really, really mean to me. and then you said i wasn't handsome. come on, now. you know i think you're handsome. (jennifer) oh, my god. (laughs) don't even say that. (laughter) oh, god. i mea--i mean, it's like my wor nightmare is really happening. (man) can you scoot down just a little more? yes, i'm sorry. it's just-- really? 'cause i'm enjoying this. i have to be honest. hello? (dogs barking) seriously, whenever i say "hello," the dogs go crazy. watch this. hello! (dogs barking) (laughter) happens every time.
okay. (sighs) now this is getting weird. wha-- okay. (sighs) what are you doing here? (laughter) hello! (dogs barking) (laughter) he's wearing spanx. (bleep) you. (laughter) (laughing maniacally) i can't do it any more than that. (laughter) and maybe i have the breasts of a 14-year-old girl. ♪ the supple breasts of a 14-year-old girl ♪ (laughter) can you guys see my erection, or is it, um... (laughter) (woman) oh, yeah. okay. hee-haw!